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Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

  • Merry Christmas.  It's the most wonderful time of the year.  A friend wrote in her blog about how we are reminded constantly that "Christmas is coming; it's just around the corner; how will we ever get everything done in time!?!?!"  I'm good.  I know Christmas is coming.  I used to look forward to it greatly.  I loved anticipating the return to Virginia--the cold weather, our beautifully decorated home, and the few lasting traditions from years gone by. 

    This is my second Christmas without my Mom.  Now I just count down the days until it has come and gone.  Most days of the year go by relatively painlessly.  But the holiday season, with my birthday thrown right in the middle, is no fun.  Not one bit. 

    I look forward to seeing my Dad.  But part of me wonders if I will ever stop going home for Christmas.  Last year we had some of Mom's friends come and decorate the house for us.  This year, Dad called and "warned" me that he hadn't done much in the way of decorating.  He, "just hasn't been in the holiday mood."  I understand.  Christmas is coming...ready or not!

Monday, 05 November 2007

  • Why I Love Fall in Virginia

    1.  Trees with this color leaves on them.

    2.  Live football games with a crisp, cool breeze blowing and the smell of nachos in the air.

    3.  Deer that wander around at dusk, which comes so much sooner now.

    4.  Apple cider from a roadside stand with the following ingredient list:  apples.

    5.  Punkin's and mums on every porch.

Sunday, 21 October 2007

  • Currently Listening
    The Altar and the Door
    By Casting Crowns
    see related
    Nice fallish colors for this entry...even though the weather is about to turn hotter than summer here in LA.  Blah.  I made pumpkin muffins (though not very well) on Friday night and was going to excitedly go down to Target to pick up the Apples & Cinnamon Plug-Ins Scented Oil for the apartment, which is usually the signal that Fall is here.  But now I am hesitant...it seems that summer is back.  Ugh.

    Ever since the weekend that marked the one year anniversary of Mom's death (October 5), I have experienced a change in my "inner-life."  It seemed that the year leading up to it was spent, mostly, in numbness.  I would have occasional break-downs, especially around certain significant dates, but for most of the time, I either felt numb or angry.  But now I feel intensely sad.  All the time.  Well, almost all the time...I'm not sure I feel anything all the time! 

    And of course, I try to figure everything out.  I am trying to figure this out, too.  I guess I knew to be prepared for the difficulty of the first year...so I steeled myself and pushed through.  Then when the weekend hit...I was done being strong and stoic.  I knew to allow myself to feel what I was feeling.  So I did.  But it hasn't abated.  I don't think I'm in a hurry to make it go away, because I know I can't hurry this process.  I am constantly surprised and amazed by all that goes on in our "insides."  Feelings, thoughts, callings, etc..  Weird.  And very difficult to analyze and figure out by this Top-5-Strength--Analytical person.

    I know that God is good and that He is sovereign.  I know He loves me and is always working His best for me which I may not see or understand...but it still sucks.  I know that Mom knew Him and loved Him, too.  She doesn't hurt anymore and she is in the presence of Jesus.  But I miss her like crazy and would give anything for another day with her, or even just another conversation...is that selfish...???

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shell21pa

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    • Name: Michelle
    • Country: United States
    • State: California
    • Metro: Los Angeles
    • Birthday: 12/6/1975
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/28/2005

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